I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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