I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
