shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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