i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
