dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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