I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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