hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
one might say we're banned from that church
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
