i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
