just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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