We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
