Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
