its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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