Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Send help, water and tortillas.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
