nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
