i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
