I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
