I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
