i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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