Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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