hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
