yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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