apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
