I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
