I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
