i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
