I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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