He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
