I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
