"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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