we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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