This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
