I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
