I heard we made out
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
