it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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