my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
