Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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