Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
