What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
