dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
