I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
