apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
