Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
