i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
