Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
