last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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