I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
