what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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