I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
