Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
