That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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