During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
