like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Drake has all the answers
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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