Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
