So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
