Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
