I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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